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1
1 When amatory poets sing their loves
2 In liquid lines mellifluously bland,
3 And pair their rhymes as Venus yokes her doves,
4 They little think what mischief is in hand;
5 The greater their success the worse it proves,
6 As Ovid's verse may give to understand;
7 Even Petrarch's self, if judged with due severity,
8 Is the Platonic pimp of all posterity.
2
9 I therefore do denounce all amorous writing,
10 Except in such a way as not to attract;
11 Plain---simple---short, and by no means inviting,
12 But with a moral to each error tacked,
13 Formed rather for instructing than delighting,
14 And with all passions in their turn attacked;
15 Now, if my Pegasus should not be shod ill,
16 This poem will become a moral model.
3
17 The European with the Asian shore
18 Sprinkled with palaces; the ocean stream
19 Here and there studded with a seventy-four;
20 Sophia's cupola with golden gleam;
21 The cypress groves; Olympus high and hoar;
22 The twelve isles, and the more than I could dream,
23 Far less describe, present the very view
24 Which charmed the charming Mary Montagu.
4
25 I have a passion for the name of "Mary,"
26 For once it was a magic sound to me;
27 And still it half calls up the realms of fairy,
28 Where I beheld what never was to be;
29 All feelings changed, but this was last to vary,
30 A spell from which even yet I am not quite free:
31 But I grow sad---and let a tale grow cold,
32 Which must not be pathetically told.
5
33 The wind swept down the Euxine, and the wave
34 Broke foaming o'er the blue Symplegades;
35 'Tis a grand sight from off "the Giant's Grave"
36 To watch the progress of those rolling seas
37 Between the Bosphorus, as they lash and lave
38 Europe and Asia, you being quite at ease;
39 There's not a sea the passenger e'er pukes in,
40 Turns up more dangerous breakers than the Euxine.
6
41 'Twas a raw day of Autumn's bleak beginning,
42 When nights are equal, but not so the days;
43 The Parcae then cut short the further spinning
44 Of seamen's fates, and the loud tempests raise
45 The waters, and repentance for past sinning
46 In all, who o'er the great deep take their ways:
47 They vow to amend their lives, and yet they don't;
48 Because if drown'd, they can't---if spared, they won't.
7
49 A crowd of shivering slaves of every nation,
50 And age, and sex, were in the market ranged;
51 Each bevy with the merchant in his station:
52 Poor creatures! their good looks were sadly changed.
53 All save the blacks seem'd jaded with vexation,
54 From friends, and home, and freedom far estranged;
55 The negroes more philosophy display'd,---
56 Used to it, no doubt, as eels are to be flay'd.
8
57 Juan was juvenile, and thus was full,
58 As most at his age are, of hope, and health;
59 Yet I must own, he looked a little dull,
60 And now and then a tear stole down by stealth;
61 Perhaps his recent loss of blood might pull
62 His spirit down; and then the loss of wealth,
63 A mistress, and such comfortable quarters,
64 To be put up for auction amongst Tartars,
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65 Were things to shake a stoic; ne'ertheless,
66 Upon the whole his carriage was serene:
67 His figure, and the splendour of his dress,
68 Of which some gilded remnants still were seen,
69 Drew all eyes on him, giving them to guess
70 He was above the vulgar by his mien;
71 And then, though pale, he was so very handsome;
72 And then---they calculated on his ransom.
10
73 Like a backgammon board the place was dotted
74 With whites and blacks, in groups on show for sale,
75 Though rather more irregularly spotted:
76 Some bought the jet, while others chose the pale.
77 It chanced amongst the other people lotted,
78 A man of thirty, rather stout and hale,
79 With resolution in his dark gray eye,
80 Next Juan stood, till some might choose to buy.
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81 He had an English look; that is, was square
82 In make, of a complexion white and ruddy,
83 Good teeth, with curling rather dark brown hair,
84 And, it might be from thought, or toil, or study,
85 An open brow a little marked with care:
86 One arm had on a bandage rather bloody;
87 And there he stood with such sang-froid that greater
88 Could scarce be shown even by a mere spectator.
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89 But seeing at his elbow a mere lad,
90 Of a high spirit evidently, though
91 At present weighed down by a doom which had
92 O'erthrown even men, he soon began to show
93 A kind of blunt compassion for the sad
94 Lot of so young a partner in the woe,
95 Which for himself he seem'd to deem no worse
96 Than any other scrape, a thing of course.
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97 "My boy!"---said he, "amidst this motley crew
98 Of Georgians, Russians, Nubians, and what not,
99 All ragamuffins differing but in hue,
100 With whom it is our luck to cast our lot,
101 The only gentlemen seem I and you;
102 So let us be acquainted, as we ought:
103 If I could yield you any consolation,
104 'Twould give me pleasure.---Pray, what is your nation?"
14
105 When Juan answered "Spanish!" he replied,
106 "I thought, in fact, you could not be a Greek;
107 Those servile dogs are not so proudly eyed:
108 Fortune has played you here a pretty freak,
109 But that's her way with all men till they're tried;
110 But never mind,---she'll turn, perhaps, next week;
111 She has served me also much the same as you,
112 Except that I have found it nothing new."
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113 "Pray, Sir," said Juan, "if I may presume,
114 What brought you here?"---"Oh! nothing very rare---
115 Six Tartars and a drag-chain---"---"To this doom
116 But what conducted, if the question's fair,
117 Is that which I would learn."---"I served for some
118 Months with the Russian army here and there,
119 And taking lately, by Suwarrow's bidding,
120 A town, was ta'en myself instead of Widin."
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121 "Have you no friends?"---"I had---but, by God's blessing,
122 Have not been troubled with them lately. Now
123 I have answered all your questions without pressing,
124 And you an equal courtesy should show."---
125 "Alas!" said Juan, "'twere a tale distressing,
126 And long besides."---"Oh! if 'tis really so,
127 You're right on both accounts to hold your tongue;
128 A sad tale saddens doubly when 'tis long.
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129 "But droop not: Fortune at your time of life,
130 Although a female moderately fickle,
131 Will hardly leave you (as she's not your wife)
132 For any length of days in such a pickle.
133 To strive too with our fate were such a strife
134 As if the corn-sheaf should oppose the sickle:
135 Men are the sport of circumstances, when
136 The circumstances seem the sport of men."
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137 "'Tis not," said Juan, "for my present doom
138 I mourn, but for the past;---I loved a maid":
139 He paused, and his dark eye grew full of gloom;
140 A single tear upon his eyelash staid
141 A moment, and then dropped; "but to resume,
142 'Tis not my present lot, as I have said,
143 Which I deplore so much; for I have borne
144 Hardships which have the hardiest overworn,
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145 "On the rough deep. But this last blow---" and here
146 He stopped again, and turned away his face.
147 "Ay," quoth his friend, "I thought it would appear
148 That there had been a lady in the case;
149 And these are things which ask a tender tear,
150 Such as I too would shed if in your place:
151 I cried upon my first wife's dying day,
152 And also when my second ran away:
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153 "My third---"---"Your third!" quoth Juan, turning round;
154 "You scarcely can be thirty: have you three?"
155 "No---only two at present above ground:
156 Surely 'tis nothing wonderful to see
157 One person thrice in holy wedlock bound!"
158 "Well, then, your third," said Juan; "what did she?
159 She did not run away, too, did she, sir?"
160 "No, faith."---"What then?"---"I ran away from her."
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161 "You take things coolly, sir," said Juan. "Why,"
162 Replied the other, "what can a man do?
163 There still are many rainbows in your sky,
164 But mine have vanished. All, when life is new,
165 Commence with feelings warm and prospects high;
166 But time strips our illusions of their hue,
167 And one by one in turn, some grand mistake
168 Casts off its bright skin yearly like the snake.
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169 "'Tis true, it gets another bright and fresh,
170 Or fresher, brighter; but the year gone through,
171 This skin must go the way too of all flesh,
172 Or sometimes only wear a week or two;---
173 Love's the first net which spreads its deadly mesh;
174 Ambition, Avarice, Vengeance, Glory, glue
175 The glittering lime-twigs of our latter days,
176 Where still we flutter on for pence or praise."
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177 "All this is very fine, and may be true,"
178 Said Juan; "but I really don't see how
179 It betters present times with me or you."
180 "No?" quoth the other; "yet you will allow
181 By setting things in their right point of view,
182 Knowledge, at least, is gained; for instance, now,
183 We know what slavery is, and our disasters
184 May teach us better to behave when masters."
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185 "Would we were masters now, if but to try
186 Their present lessons on our Pagan friends here,"
187 Said Juan---swallowing a heart-burning sigh:
188 "Heaven help the scholar whom his fortune sends here!"
189 "Perhaps we shall be one day, by and by,"
190 Rejoined the other, "when our bad luck mends here;
191 Meantime (yon old black eunuch seems to eye us)
192 I wish to G---d that somebody would buy us!
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193 "But after all, what is our present state?
194 'Tis bad, and may be better---all men's lot:
195 Most men are slaves, none more so than the great,
196 To their own whims and passions, and what not;
197 Society itself, which should create
198 Kindness, destroys what little we had got:
199 To feel for none is the true social art
200 Of the world's stoics---men without a heart."
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201 Just now a black old neutral personage
202 Of the third sex stept up, and peering over
203 The captives, seemed to mark their looks and age,
204 And capabilities, as to discover
205 If they were fitted for the purposed cage:
206 No lady e'er is ogled by a lover,
207 Horse by a blackleg, broadcloth by a tailor,
208 Fee by a counsel, felon by a jailor,
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209 As is a slave by his intended bidder.
210 'Tis pleasant purchasing our fellow creatures;
211 And all are to be sold, if you consider
212 Their passions, and are dext'rous; some by features
213 Are bought up, others by a warlike leader,
214 Some by a place---as tend their years or natures;
215 The most by ready cash---but all have prices,
216 From crowns to kicks, according to their vices.
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217 The eunuch having eyed them o'er with care,
218 Turn'd to the merchant, and begun to bid
219 First but for one, and after for the pair;
220 They haggled, wrangled, swore, too---so they did!
221 As though they were in a mere christian fair
222 Cheapening an ox, an ass, a lamb, or kid;
223 So that their bargain sounded like a battle
224 For this superior yoke of human cattle.
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225 At last they settled into simple grumbling,
226 And pulling out reluctant purses, and
227 Turning each piece of silver o'er, and tumbling
228 Some down, and weighing others in their hand,
229 And by mistake sequins with paras jumbling,
230 Until the sum was accurately scanned,
231 And then the merchant giving change, and signing
232 Receipts in full, began to think of dining.
30
233 I wonder if his appetite was good?
234 Or, if it were, if also his digestion?
235 Methinks at meals some odd thoughts might intrude,
236 And conscience ask a curious sort of question,
237 About the right divine how far we should
238 Sell flesh and blood. When dinner has opprest one,
239 I think it is perhaps the gloomiest hour
240 Which turns up out of the sad twenty-four.
31
241 Voltaire says "No": he tells you that Candide
242 Found life most tolerable after meals;
243 He's wrong---unless man were a pig, indeed,
244 Repletion rather adds to what he feels,
245 Unless he's drunk, and then no doubt he's freed
246 From his own brain's oppression while it reels.
247 Of food I think with Philip's son, or rather
248 Ammon's (ill pleased with one world and one father);
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249 I think with Alexander, that the act
250 Of eating, with another act or two,
251 Makes us feel our mortality in fact
252 Redoubled; when a roast and a ragout,
253 And fish, and soup, by some side dishes backed,
254 Can give us either pain or pleasure, who
255 Would pique himself on intellects, whose use
256 Depends so much upon the gastric juice?
33
257 The other evening ('twas on Friday last)---
258 This is a fact and no poetic fable---
259 Just as my great coat was about me cast,
260 My hat and gloves still lying on the table,
261 I heard a shot---'twas eight o'clock scarce past---
262 And running out as fast as I was able,
263 I found the military commandant
264 Stretched in the street, and able scarce to pant.
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265 Poor fellow! for some reason, surely bad,
266 They had slain him with five slugs; and left him there
267 To perish on the pavement: so I had
268 Him borne into the house and up the stair,
269 And stripped, and looked to,---But why should I add
270 More circumstances? vain was every care;
271 The man was gone: in some Italian quarrel
272 Killed by five bullets from an old gun-barrel.
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273 I gazed upon him, for I knew him well;
274 And though I have seen many corpses, never
275 Saw one, whom such an accident befell,
276 So calm; though pierced through stomach, heart, and liver,
277 He seemed to sleep, for you could scarcely tell
278 (As he bled inwardly, no hideous river
279 Of gore divulged the cause) that he was dead:
280 So as I gazed on him, I thought or said---
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281 "Can this be death? then what is life or death?
282 Speak!" but he spoke not: "wake!" but still he slept:---
283 "But yesterday and who had mightier breath?
284 A thousand warriors by his word were kept
285 In awe: he said, as the centurion saith,
286 'Go,' and he goeth; 'come,' and forth he stepp'd.
287 The trump and bugle till he spake were dumb---
288 And now nought left him but the muffled drum."
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289 And they who waited once and worshipped---they
290 With their rough faces thronged about the bed
291 To gaze once more on the commanding clay
292 Which for the last though not the first time bled:
293 And such an end! that he who many a day
294 Had faced Napoleon's foes until they fled,---
295 The foremost in the charge or in the sally,
296 Should now be butchered in a civic alley.
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297 The scars of his old wounds were near his new,
298 Those honourable scars which brought him fame;
299 And horrid was the contrast to the view---
300 But let me quit the theme; as such things claim
301 Perhaps even more attention than is due
302 From me: I gazed (as oft I have gazed the same)
303 To try if I could wrench aught out of death
304 Which should confirm, or shake, or make a faith;
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305 But it was all a mystery. Here we are,
306 And there we go:---but where? five bits of lead,
307 Or three, or two, or one, send very far!
308 And is this blood, then, formed but to be shed?
309 Can every element our elements mar?
310 And air---earth---water---fire live---and we dead?
311 We , whose minds comprehend all things? No more;
312 But let us to the story as before.
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313 The purchaser of Juan and acquaintance
314 Bore off his bargains to a gilded boat,
315 Embarked himself and them, and off they went thence
316 As fast as oars could pull and water float;
317 They looked like persons being led to sentence,
318 Wondering what next, till the caïque was brought
319 Up in a little creek below a wall
320 O'ertopped with cypresses dark-green and tall.
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321 Here their conductor tapping at the wicket
322 Of a small iron door, 'twas opened, and
323 He led them onward, first through a low thicket
324 Flank'd by large groves, which tower'd on either hand:
325 They almost lost their way, and had to pick it---
326 For night was closing ere they came to land.
327 The eunuch made a sign to those on board,
328 Who rowed off, leaving them without a word.
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329 As they were plodding on their winding way
330 Through orange bowers, and jasmine, and so forth:
331 (Of which I might have a good deal to say,
332 There being no such profusion in the North
333 Of oriental plants, "et cetera,"
334 But that of late your scribblers think it worth
335 Their while to rear whole hotbeds in their works
336 Because one poet travelled 'mongst the Turks):
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337 As they were threading on their way, there came
338 Into Don Juan's head a thought, which he
339 Whispered to his companion:---'twas the same
340 Which might have then occurred to you or me.
341 "Methinks,"---said he,---"it would be no great shame
342 If we should strike a stroke to set us free;
343 Let's knock that old black fellow on the head,
344 And march away---'twere easier done than said."
44
345 "Yes," said the other, "and when done, what then?
346 How get out? how the devil got we in?
347 And when we once were fairly out, and when
348 From Saint Bartholomew we have saved our skin,
349 To-morrow'd see us in some other den,
350 And worse off than we hitherto have been;
351 Besides, I'm hungry, and just now would take,
352 Like Esau, for my birthright a beef-steak.
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353 "We must be near some place of man's abode;---
354 For the old negro's confidence in creeping,
355 With his two captives, by so queer a road,
356 Shows that he thinks his friends have not been sleeping;
357 A single cry would bring them all abroad:
358 'Tis therefore better looking before leaping---
359 And there, you see, this turn has brought us through.
360 By Jove, a noble palace!---lighted too."
46
361 It was indeed a wide extensive building
362 Which opened on their view, and o'er the front
363 There seemed to be besprent a deal of gilding
364 And various hues, as is the Turkish wont,---
365 A gaudy taste; for they are little skilled in
366 The arts of which these lands were once the font:
367 Each villa on the Bosphorus looks a screen
368 New painted, or a pretty opera-scene.
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369 And nearer as they came, a genial savour
370 Of certain stews, and roast-meats, and pilaus,
371 Things which in hungry mortals' eyes find favour,
372 Made Juan in his harsh intentions pause,
373 And put himself upon his good behaviour:
374 His friend, too, adding a new saving clause,
375 Said, "In Heaven's name let's get some supper now,
376 And then I'm with you, if you're for a row."
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377 Some talk of an appeal unto some passion,
378 Some to men's feelings, others to their reason;
379 The last of these was never much the fashion,
380 For reason thinks all reasoning out of season.
381 Some speakers whine, and others lay the lash on,
382 But more or less continue still to tease on,
383 With arguments according to their "forte":
384 But no one ever dreams of being short.---
49
385 But I digress: of all appeals,---although
386 I grant the power of pathos, and of gold,
387 Of beauty, flattery, threats, a shilling,---no
388 Method's more sure at moments to take hold
389 Of the best feelings of mankind, which grow
390 More tender, as we every day behold,
391 Than that all-softening, over-powering knell,
392 The tocsin of the soul---the dinner bell.
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393 Turkey contains no bells, and yet men dine;
394 And Juan and his friend, albeit they heard
395 No christian knoll to table, saw no line
396 Of lacqueys usher to the feast prepared,
397 Yet smelt roast-meat, beheld a huge fire shine,
398 And cooks in motion with their clean arms bared,
399 And gazed around them to the left and right
400 With the prophetic eye of appetite.
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401 And giving up all notions of resistance,
402 They followed close behind their sable guide,
403 Who little thought that his own cracked existence
404 Was on the point of being set aside:
405 He motioned them to stop at some small distance,
406 And knocking at the gate, 'twas opened wide,
407 And a magnificent large hall displayed
408 The Asian pomp of Ottoman parade.
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409 I won't describe; description is my forte,
410 But every fool describes in these bright days
411 His wond'rous journey to some foreign court,
412 And spawns his quarto, and demands your praise---
413 Death to his publisher, to him 'tis sport;
414 While Nature, tortured twenty thousand ways,
415 Resigns herself with exemplary patience
416 To guide-books, rhymes, tours, sketches, illustrations.
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417 Along this hall, and up and down, some, squatted
418 Upon their hams, were occupied at chess;
419 Others in monosyllable talk chatted,
420 And some seemed much in love with their own dress,
421 And divers smoked superb pipes decorated
422 With amber mouths of greater price or less;
423 And several strutted, others slept, and some
424 Prepared for supper with a glass of rum.
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425 As the black eunuch entered with his brace
426 Of purchased Infidels, some raised their eyes
427 A moment without slackening from their pace;
428 But those who sate, ne'er stirred in any wise:
429 One or two stared the captives in the face,
430 Just as one views a horse to guess his price;
431 Some nodded to the negro from their station,
432 But no one troubled him with conversation.
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433 He leads them through the hall, and, without stopping,
434 On through a farther range of goodly rooms,
435 Splendid but silent, save in one , where, dropping,
436 A marble fountain echoes through the glooms
437 Of night, which robe the chamber, or where popping
438 Some female head most curiously presumes
439 To thrust its black eyes through the door or lattice,
440 As wondering what the devil noise that is.
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441 Some faint lamps gleaming from the lofty walls
442 Gave light enough to hint their farther way,
443 But not enough to show the imperial halls
444 In all the flashing of their full array;
445 Perhaps there's nothing---I'll not say appals,
446 But saddens more by night as well as day,
447 Than an enormous room without a soul
448 To break the lifeless splendor of the whole.
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449 Two or three seem so little, one seems nothing:
450 In deserts, forests, crowds, or by the shore,
451 There solitude, we know, has her full growth in
452 The spots which were her realms for evermore;
453 But in a mighty hall or gallery, both in
454 More modern buildings and those built of yore,
455 A kind of death comes o'er us all alone
456 Seeing what's meant for many with but one.
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457 A neat, snug study on a winter's night,
458 A book, friend, single lady, or a glass
459 Of claret, sandwich, and an appetite,
460 Are things which make an English evening pass;
461 Though certes by no means so grand a sight
462 As is a theatre lit up by gas.
463 I pass my evenings in long galleries solely,
464 And that's the reason I'm so melancholy.
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465 Alas! man makes that great which makes him little:
466 I grant you in a church 'tis very well:
467 What speaks of Heaven should by no means be brittle,
468 But strong and lasting, till no tongue can tell
469 Their names who reared it; but huge houses fit ill---
470 And huge tombs worse---mankind, since Adam fell:
471 Methinks the story of the tower of Babel
472 Might teach them this much better than I'm able.
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473 Babel was Nimrod's hunting-box, and then
474 A town of gardens, walls, and wealth amazing,
475 Where Nabuchadonosor, king of men,
476 Reign'd, till one summer's day he took to grazing,
477 And Daniel tamed the lions in their den,
478 The people's awe and admiration raising;
479 'Twas famous, too, for Thisbe and for Pyramus,
480 And the calumniated Queen Semiramis.---
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481 That injured Queen, by Chroniclers so coarse
482 Has been accused (I doubt not by conspiracy)
483 Of an improper friendship for her horse
484 (Love, like religion, sometimes runs to heresy):
485 This monstrous tale had probably its source
486 (For such exaggerations here and there I see)
487 In writing "Courser" by mistake for "Courier":
488 I wish the case could come before a jury here.
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489 But to resume,---should there be (what may not
490 Be in these days?) some infidels, who don't,
491 Because they can't, find out the very spot
492 Of that same Babel, or because they won't,
493 (Though Claudius Rich, Esquire, some bricks has got
494 And written lately two memoirs upon't)
495 Believe the Jews, those unbelievers, who
496 Must be believed, though they believe not you.
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497 Yet let them think that Horace has exprest
498 Shortly and sweetly the masonic folly
499 Of those, forgetting the great place of rest,
500 Who give themselves to architecture wholly;
501 We know where things and men must end at best:
502 A moral (like all morals) melancholy,
503 And "Et sepulchri immemor struis domos"
504 Shows that we build when we should but entomb us.
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505 At last they reached a quarter most retired,
506 Where echo woke as if from a long slumber;
507 Though full of all things which could be desired,
508 One wondered what to do with such a number
509 Of articles which nobody required;
510 Here wealth had done its utmost to encumber
511 With furniture an exquisite apartment,
512 Which puzzled nature much to know what art meant.
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513 It seemed, however, but to open on
514 A range or suite of further chambers, which
515 Might lead to heaven knows where; but in this one
516 The moveables were prodigally rich:
517 Sofas 'twas half a sin to sit upon,
518 So costly were they; carpets every stitch
519 Of workmanship so rare, they made you wish
520 You could glide o'er them like a golden fish.
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521 The black, however, without hardly deigning
522 A glance at that which wrapt the slaves in wonder,
523 Trampled what they scarce trod for fear of staining,
524 As if the milky way their feet was under
525 With all its stars; and with a stretch attaining
526 A certain press or cupboard niched in yonder
527 In that remote recess which you may see---
528 Or if you don't the fault is not in me,
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529 I wish to be perspicuous; and the black,
530 I say, unlocking the recess, pulled forth
531 A quantity of clothes fit for the back
532 Of any Mussulman, whate'er his worth;
533 And of variety there was no lack---
534 And yet, though I have said there was no dearth;
535 He chose himself to point out what he thought
536 Most proper for the Christians he had bought.
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537 The suit he thought most suitable to each
538 Was, for the elder and the stouter, first
539 A candiote cloak, which to the knee might reach,
540 And trowsers not so tight that they would burst,
541 But such as fit an Asiatic breech;
542 A shawl, whose folds in Cashmire had been nurst,
543 Slippers of saffron, dagger rich and handy;
544 In short, all things which form a Turkish Dandy.
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545 While he was dressing, Baba, their black friend,
546 Hinted the vast advantages which they
547 Might probably obtain both in the end,
548 If they would but pursue the proper way
549 Which Fortune plainly seemed to recommend;
550 And then he added, that he needs must say,
551 "'Twould greatly tend to better their condition,
552 If they would condescend to circumcision.
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553 "For his own part, he really should rejoice
554 To see them true believers, but no less
555 Would leave his proposition to their choice."
556 The other, thanking him for this excess
557 Of goodness, in thus leaving them a voice
558 In such a trifle, scarcely could express
559 Sufficiently (he said) his approbation
560 Of all the customs of this polished nation.
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561 "For his own share---he saw but small objection
562 To so respectable an ancient rite;
563 And, after swallowing down a slight refection,
564 For which he owned a present appetite,
565 He doubted not a few hours of reflection
566 Would reconcile him to the business quite."
567 "Will it?" said Juan, sharply; "Strike me dead
568 But they as soon shall circumcise my head!
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569 "Cut off a thousand heads, before---"---"Now, pray,"
570 Replied the other, "do not interrupt:
571 You put me out in what I had to say.
572 Sir!---as I said, as soon as I have supt,
573 I shall perpend if your proposal may
574 Be such as I can properly accept;
575 Provided always your great goodness still
576 Remits the matter to our own free-will."
73
577 Baba eyed Juan, and said, "Be so good
578 As dress yourself---" and pointed out a suit
579 In which a Princess with great pleasure would
580 Array her limbs; but Juan standing mute,
581 As not being in a masquerading mood,
582 Gave it a slight kick with his christian foot;
583 And when the old negro told him to "Get ready,"
584 Replied, "Old gentleman, I'm not a lady."
74
585 "What you may be, I neither know nor care,"
586 Said Baba; "but pray do as I desire:
587 I have no more time nor many words to spare."
588 "At least," said Juan, "sure I may inquire
589 The cause of this odd travesty?"---"Forbear,"
590 Said Baba, "to be curious; 'twill transpire,
591 No doubt, in proper place, and time, and season:
592 I have no authority to tell the reason."
75
593 "Then if I do," said Juan, "I'll be---" "Hold!"
594 Rejoined the Negro, "pray be not provoking;
595 This spirit's well, but it may wax too bold,
596 And you will find us not too fond of joking."
597 "What, sir," said Juan, "shall it e'er be told
598 That I unsexed my dress?" But Baba stroking
599 The things down, said---"Incense me, and I call
600 Those who will leave you of no sex at all.
76
601 "I offer you a handsome suit of clothes:
602 A woman's, true; but then there is a cause
603 Why you should wear them."---"What, though my soul loathes
604 The effeminate garb?"---thus, after a short pause,
605 Sighed Juan, muttering also some slight oaths,
606 "What the devil shall I do with all this gauze?"
607 Thus he profanely termed the finest lace
608 Which e'er set off a marriage-morning face.
77
609 And then he swore; and, sighing, on he slipped
610 A pair of trowsers of flesh-coloured silk,
611 Next with a virgin zone he was equipped,
612 Which girt a slight chemise as white as milk;
613 But tugging on his petticoat he tripped,
614 Which---as we say---or as the Scotch say whilk ,
615 (The rhyme obliges me to this; sometimes
616 Monarchs are less imperative than rhymes)---
78
617 Whilk, which (or what you please), was owing to
618 His garment's novelty, and his being awkward;
619 And yet at last he managed to get through
620 His toilet, though no doubt a little backward:
621 The negro Baba helped a little too,
622 When some untoward part of raiment stuck hard;
623 And, wrestling both his arms into a gown,
624 He paused and took a survey up and down.
79
625 One difficulty still remained,---his hair
626 Was hardly long enough; but Baba found
627 So many false long tresses all to spare,
628 That soon his head was most completely crowned,
629 After the manner then in fashion there;
630 And this addition with such gems was bound
631 As suited the ensemble of his toilet,
632 While Baba made him comb his head and oil it.
80
633 And now being femininely all arrayed,
634 With some small aid from scissors, paint, and tweezers,
635 He looked in almost all respects a maid,
636 And Baba smilingly exclaimed, "You see, sirs,
637 A perfect transformation here displayed;
638 And now, then, you must come along with me, sirs,
639 That is---the Lady": clapping his hands twice,
640 Four blacks were at his elbow in a trice.
81
641 "You, sir," said Baba, nodding to the one,
642 "Will please to accompany those gentlemen
643 To supper; but you, worthy christian nun,
644 Will follow me; no trifling, sir; for when
645 I say a thing, it must at once be done.
646 What fear you? think you this a lion's den?
647 Why, 'tis a palace; where the truly wise
648 Anticipate the Prophet's paradise.
82
649 "You fool! I tell you no one means you harm."
650 "So much the better," Juan said, "for them;
651 Else they shall feel the weight of this my arm,
652 Which is not quite so light as you may deem.
653 I yield thus far; but soon will break the charm
654 If any take me for that which I seem:
655 So that I trust for every body's sake,
656 That this disguise may lead to no mistake."
83
657 "Blockhead! come on, and see," quoth Baba; while
658 Don Juan, turning to his comrade, who
659 Though somewhat grieved, could scarce forbear a smile
660 Upon the metamorphosis in view,
661 "Farewell!" they mutually exclaimed: "this soil
662 Seems fertile in adventures strange and new;
663 One's turned half mussulman, and one a maid,
664 By this old black enchanter's unsought aid.
84
665 "Farewell!" said Juan; "should we meet no more,
666 I wish you a good appetite."---"Farewell!"
667 Replied the other; "though it grieves me sore;
668 When we next meet, we'll have a tale to tell:
669 We needs must follow when Fate puts from shore.
670 Keep your good name; though Eve herself once fell."
671 "Nay," quoth the maid, "the Sultan's self shan't carry me,
672 Unless his highness promises to marry me."
85
673 And thus they parted, each by separate doors;
674 Baba led Juan onward room by room
675 Through glittering galleries, and o'er marble floors,
676 Till a gigantic portal through the gloom,
677 Haughty and huge, along the distance lowers;
678 And wafted far arose a rich perfume:
679 It seemed as though they came upon a shrine,
680 For all was vast, still, fragrant, and divine.
86
681 The giant door was broad, and bright, and high,
682 Of gilded bronze, and carved in curious guise;
683 Warriors thereon were battling furiously;
684 Here stalks the victor, there the vanquished lies;
685 There captives led in triumph droop the eye,
686 And in perspective many a squadron flies:
687 It seems the work of times before the line
688 Of Rome transplanted fell with Constantine.
87
689 This massy portal stood at the wide close
690 Of a huge hall, and on its either side
691 Two little dwarfs, the least you could suppose,
692 Were sate, like ugly imps, as if allied
693 In mockery to the enormous gate which rose
694 O'er them in almost pyramidic pride:
695 The gate so splendid was in all its features ,
696 You never thought about those little creatures,
88
697 Until you nearly trod on them, and then
698 You started back in horror to survey
699 The wond'rous hideousness of those small men,
700 Whose colour was not black, nor white, nor gray,
701 But an extraneous mixture, which no pen
702 Can trace, although perhaps the pencil may;
703 They were misshapen pigmies, deaf and dumb---
704 Monsters, who cost a no less monstrous sum.
89
705 Their duty was---for they were strong, and though
706 They looked so little, did strong things at times---
707 To ope this door, which they could really do,
708 The hinges being as smooth as Rogers' rhymes;
709 And now and then with tough strings of the bow,
710 As is the custom of those eastern climes,
711 To give some rebel Pacha a cravat;
712 For mutes are generally used for that.
90
713 They spoke by signs---that is, not spoke at all;
714 And looking like two incubi, they glared
715 As Baba with his fingers made them fall
716 To heaving back the portal folds: it scared
717 Juan a moment, as this pair so small,
718 With shrinking serpent optics on him stared;
719 It was as if their little looks could poison
720 Or fascinate whome'er they fixed their eyes on.
91
721 Before they entered, Baba paused to hint
722 To Juan some slight lessons as his guide:
723 "If you could just contrive," he said, "to stint
724 That somewhat manly majesty of stride,
725 'Twould be as well, and,---(though there's not much in't)
726 To swing a little less from side to side,
727 Which has at times an aspect of the oddest;
728 And also could you look a little modest,
92
729 "'Twould be convenient; for these mutes have eyes
730 Like needles, which may pierce those petticoats;
731 And if they should discover your disguise,
732 You know how near us the deep Bosphorus floats;
733 And you and I may chance ere morning rise,
734 To find our way to Marmora without boats,
735 Stitched up in sacks---a mode of navigation
736 A good deal practised here upon occasion."
93
737 With this encouragement, he led the way
738 Into a room still nobler than the last;
739 A rich confusion formed a disarray
740 In such sort, that the eye along it cast
741 Could hardly carry any thing away,
742 Object on object flashed so bright and fast;
743 A dazzling mass of gems, and gold, and glitter,
744 Magnificently mingled in a litter.
94
745 Wealth had done wonders---taste not much; such things
746 Occur in orient palaces, and even
747 In the more chastened domes of western kings
748 (Of which I have also seen some six or seven)
749 Where I can't say or gold or diamond flings
750 Great lustre, there is much to be forgiven;
751 Groups of bad statues, tables, chairs, and pictures,
752 On which I cannot pause to make my strictures.
95
753 In this imperial hall, at distance lay
754 Under a canopy, and there reclined
755 Quite in a confidential queenly way,
756 A lady; Baba stopped, and kneeling signed
757 To Juan, who though not much used to pray,
758 Knelt down by instinct, wondering in his mind
759 What all this meant: while Baba bowed and bended
760 His head, until the ceremony ended.
96
761 The lady rising up with such an air
762 As Venus rose with from the wave, on them
763 Bent like an antelope a Paphian pair
764 Of eyes, which put out each surrounding gem;
765 And raising up an arm as moonlight fair,
766 She signed to Baba, who first kissed the hem
767 Of her deep-purple robe, and speaking low,
768 Pointed to Juan, who remained below.
97
769 Her presence was as lofty as her state;
770 Her beauty of that overpowering kind,
771 Whose force description only would abate:
772 I'd rather leave it much to your own mind,
773 Than lessen it by what I could relate
774 Of forms and features; it would strike you blind
775 Could I do justice to the full detail;
776 So, luckily for both, my phrases fail.
98
777 This much however I may add,---her years
778 Were ripe, they might make six and twenty springs,
779 But there are forms which Time to touch forbears,
780 And turns aside his scythe to vulgar things,
781 Such as was Mary's Queen of Scots; true---tears
782 And love destroy; and sapping sorrow wrings
783 Charms from the charmer, yet some never grow
784 Ugly; for instance---Ninon de l'Enclos.
99
785 She spake some words to her attendants, who
786 Composed a choir of girls, ten or a dozen,
787 And were all clad alike; like Juan, too,
788 Who wore their uniform, by Baba chosen:
789 They formed a very nymph-like looking crew,
790 Which might have called Diana's chorus "cousin,"
791 As far as outward show may correspond;
792 I won't be bail for any thing beyond.
100
793 They bowed obeisance and withdrew, retiring,
794 But not by the same door through which came in
795 Baba and Juan, which last stood admiring,
796 At some small distance, all he saw within
797 This strange saloon, much fitted for inspiring
798 Marvel and praise; for both or none things win;
799 And I must say, I ne'er could see the very
800 Great happiness of the "Nil Admirari."
101
801 "Not to admire is all the art I know"
802 (Plain truth, dear Murray, needs few flowers of speech)
803 "To make men happy, or to keep them so";
804 (So take it in the very words of Creech).
805 Thus Horace wrote we all know long ago;
806 And thus Pope quotes the precept to re-teach
807 From his translation; but had none admired ,
808 Would Pope have sung, or Horace been inspired?
102
809 Baba, when all the damsels were withdrawn,
810 Motioned to Juan to approach, and then
811 A second time desired him to kneel down,
812 And kiss the lady's foot; which maxim when
813 He heard repeated, Juan with a frown
814 Drew himself up to his full height again,
815 And said, "It grieved him, but he could not stoop
816 To any shoe, unless it shod the Pope."
103
817 Baba, indignant at this ill-timed pride,
818 Made fierce remonstrances, and then a threat
819 He muttered (but the last was given aside)
820 About a bow-string---quite in vain; not yet
821 Would Juan bend, though 'twere to Mahomet's bride:
822 There's nothing in the world like etiquette
823 In kingly chambers or imperial halls,
824 As also at the race and county balls
104
825 He stood like Atlas, with a world of words
826 About his ears, and nathless would not bend;
827 The blood of all his line's Castilian lords
828 Boiled in his veins, and rather than descend
829 To stain his pedigree, a thousand swords
830 A thousand times of him had made an end;
831 At length perceiving the " foot " could not stand,
832 Baba proposed that he should kiss the hand.
105
833 Here was an honourable compromise,
834 A half-way house of diplomatic rest,
835 Where they might meet in much more peaceful guise;
836 And Juan now his willingness exprest,
837 To use all fit and proper courtesies,
838 Adding, that this was commonest and best,
839 For through the South, the custom still commands
840 The gentleman, to kiss the lady's hands.
106
841 And he advanced, though with but a bad grace,
842 Though on more thorough-bred or fairer fingers
843 No lips e'er left their transitory trace:
844 On such as these the lip too fondly lingers,
845 And for one kiss would fain imprint a brace,
846 As you will see, if she you love shall bring hers
847 In contact; and sometimes even a fair stranger's
848 An almost twelvemonth's constancy endangers.
107
849 The lady eyed him o'er and o'er, and bade
850 Baba retire, which he obeyed in style,
851 As if well-used to the retreating trade;
852 And taking hints in good part all the while,
853 He whispered Juan not to be afraid,
854 And looking on him with a sort of smile,
855 Took leave, with such a face of satisfaction,
856 As good men wear who have done a virtuous action.
108
857 When he was gone, there was a sudden change:
858 I know not what might be the lady's thought,
859 But o'er her bright brow flashed a tumult strange,
860 And into her clear cheek the blood was brought,
861 Blood-red as sunset summer clouds which range
862 The verge of Heaven; and in her large eyes wrought
863 A mixture of sensations might be scanned,
864 Of half-voluptuousness and half command.
109
865 Her form had all the softness of her sex,
866 Her features all the sweetness of the devil,
867 When he put on the cherub to perplex
868 Eve, and paved (God knows how) the road to evil;
869 The sun himself was scarce more free from specks
870 Than she from aught at which the eye could cavil;
871 Yet, somehow, there was something somewhere wanting,
872 As if she rather ordered than was granting .---
110
873 Something imperial, or imperious, threw
874 A chain o'er all she did; that is, a chain
875 Was thrown as 'twere about the neck of you,---
876 And rapture's self will seem almost a pain
877 With aught which looks like despotism in view:
878 Our souls at least are free, and 'tis in vain
879 We would against them make the flesh obey---
880 The spirit in the end will have its way.
111
881 Her very smile was haughty, though so sweet;
882 Her very nod was not an inclination;
883 There was a self-will even in her small feet,
884 As though they were quite conscious of her station---
885 They trod as upon necks; and to complete
886 Her state, (it is the custom of her nation),
887 A poniard decked her girdle, as the sign
888 She was a sultan's bride, (thank Heaven, not mine).
112
889 "To hear and to obey" had been from birth
890 The law of all around her; to fulfil
891 All phantasies which yielded joy or mirth,
892 Had been her slaves' chief pleasure, as her will;
893 Her blood was high, her beauty scarce of earth:
894 Judge, then, if her caprices e'er stood still;
895 Had she but been a Christian, I've a notion
896 We should have found out the "perpetual motion."
113
897 Whate'er she saw and coveted was brought;
898 Whate'er she did not see, if she supposed
899 It might be seen, with diligence was sought,
900 And when 'twas found straightway the bargain closed:
901 There was no end unto the things she bought,
902 Nor to the trouble which her fancies caused;
903 Yet even her tyranny had such a grace,
904 The women pardoned all except her face.
114
905 Juan, the latest of her whims, had caught
906 Her eye in passing on his way to sale;
907 She ordered him directly to be bought,
908 And Baba, who had ne'er been known to fail
909 In any kind of mischief to be wrought,
910 At all such auctions knew how to prevail:
911 She had no prudence, but he had; and this
912 Explains the garb which Juan took amiss.
115
913 His youth and features favoured the disguise,
914 And, should you ask how she, a sultan's bride,
915 Could risk or compass such strange phantasies,
916 This I must leave sultanas to decide:
917 Emperors are only husbands in wives' eyes,
918 And kings and consorts oft are mystified,
919 As we may ascertain with due precision,
920 Some by experience, others by tradition.
116
921 But to the main point, where we have been tending:---
922 She now conceived all difficulties past,
923 And deemed herself extremely condescending
924 When, being made her property at last,
925 Without more preface, in her blue eyes blending
926 Passion and power, a glance on him she cast,
927 And merely saying, "Christian, canst thou love?"
928 Conceived that phrase was quite enough to move.
117
929 And so it was, in proper time and place;
930 But Juan, who had still his mind o'erflowing
931 With Haidée's isle and soft Ionian face,
932 Felt the warm blood, which in his face was glowing,
933 Rush back upon his heart, which filled apace,
934 And left his cheeks as pale as snowdrops blowing:
935 These words went through his soul like Arab-spears,
936 So that he spoke not, but burst into tears.
118
937 She was a good deal shocked; not shocked at tears,
938 For women shed and use them at their liking;
939 But there is something when man's eye appears
940 Wet, still more disagreeable and striking:
941 A woman's tear-drop melts, a man's half sears,
942 Like molten lead, as if you thrust a pike in
943 His heart to force it out, for (to be shorter)
944 To them 'tis a relief, to us a torture.
119
945 And she would have consoled, but knew not how;
946 Having no equals, nothing which had e'er
947 Infected her with sympathy till now,
948 And never having dreamt what 'twas to bear
949 Aught of a serious sorrowing kind, although
950 There might arise some pouting petty care
951 To cross her brow, she wondered how so near
952 Her eyes another's eye could shed a tear.
120
953 But nature teaches more than power can spoil,
954 And, when a strong although a strange sensation,
955 Moves---female hearts are such a genial soil
956 For kinder feelings, whatsoe'er their nation,
957 They naturally pour the "wine and oil,"
958 Samaritans in every situation;
959 And thus Gulbeyaz, though she knew not why,
960 Felt an odd glistening moisture in her eye.
121
961 But tears must stop like all things else; and soon
962 Juan, who for an instant had been moved
963 To such a sorrow by the intrusive tone
964 Of one who dared to ask if "he had loved,"
965 Called back the stoic to his eyes, which shone
966 Bright with the very weakness he reproved;
967 And although sensitive to beauty, he
968 Felt most indignant still at not being free.
122
969 Gulbeyaz, for the first time in her days,
970 Was much embarrassed, never having met
971 In all her life with aught save prayers and praise;
972 And as she also risked her life to get
973 Him whom she meant to tutor in love's ways
974 Into a comfortable tête-à-tête,
975 To lose the hour would make her quite a martyr,
976 And they had wasted now almost a quarter.
123
977 I also would suggest the fitting time,
978 To gentlemen in any such like case,
979 That is to say---in a meridian clime,
980 With us there is more law given to the chase,
981 But here a small delay forms a great crime:
982 So recollect that the extremest grace
983 Is just two minutes for your declaration---
984 A moment more would hurt your reputation.
124
985 Juan's was good; and might have been still better,
986 But he had got Haidée into his head:
987 However strange, he could not yet forget her,
988 Which made him seem exceedingly ill-bred.
989 Gulbeyaz, who looked on him as her debtor
990 For having had him to her palace led,
991 Began to blush up to the eyes, and then
992 Grow deadly pale, and then blush back again.
125
993 At length, in an imperial way, she laid
994 Her hand on his, and bending on him eyes,
995 Which needed not an empire to persuade,
996 Looked into his for love, where none replies:
997 Her brow grew black, but she would not upbraid,
998 That being the last thing a proud woman tries;
999 She rose, and pausing one chaste moment, threw
1000 Herself upon his breast, and there she grew.
126
1001 This was an awkward test, as Juan found,
1002 But he was steeled by sorrow, wrath, and pride:
1003 With gentle force her white arms he unwound,
1004 And seated her all drooping by his side.
1005 Then rising haughtily he glanced around,
1006 And looking coldly in her face, he cried,
1007 "The prisoned eagle will not pair, nor I
1008 Serve a sultana's sensual phantasy.
127
1009 "Thou ask'st, if I can love? be this the proof
1010 How much I have loved---that I love not thee!
1011 In this vile garb, the distaff, web, and woof
1012 Were fitter for me: Love is for the free!
1013 I am not dazzled by this splendid roof.
1014 Whate'er thy power, and great it seems to be,
1015 Heads bow, knees bend, eyes watch around a throne,
1016 And hands obey---our hearts are still our own."
128
1017 This was a truth to us extremely trite,
1018 Not so to her, who ne'er had heard such things;
1019 She deemed her least command must yield delight,
1020 Earth being only made for queens and kings.
1021 If hearts lay on the left side or the right
1022 She hardly knew, to such perfection brings
1023 Legitimacy its born votaries, when
1024 Aware of their due royal rights o'er men.
129
1025 Besides, as has been said, she was so fair
1026 As even in a much humbler lot had made
1027 A kingdom or confusion anywhere,
1028 And also, as may be presumed, she laid
1029 Some stress on charms, which seldom are, if e'er,
1030 By their possessors thrown into the shade:
1031 She thought hers gave a double "right divine,"
1032 And half of that opinion's also mine.
130
1033 Remember, or (if you can not) imagine,
1034 Ye! who have kept your chastity when young,
1035 While some more desperate dowager has been waging
1036 Love with you, and been in the dog-days stung
1037 By your refusal, recollect her raging!
1038 Or recollect all that was said or sung
1039 On such a subject; then suppose the face
1040 Of a young downright beauty in this case.
131
1041 Suppose, but you already have supposed,
1042 The spouse of Potiphar, the Lady Booby,
1043 Phedra, and all which story has disclosed
1044 Of good examples; pity that so few by
1045 Poets and private tutors are exposed,
1046 To educate---ye youth of Europe---you by!
1047 But when you have supposed the few we know,
1048 You can't suppose Gulbeyaz' angry brow.
132
1049 A tigress robbed of young, a lioness,
1050 Or any interesting beast of prey,
1051 Are similes at hand for the distress
1052 Of ladies who cannot have their own way;
1053 But though my turn will not be served with less,
1054 These don't express one half what I should say:
1055 For what is stealing young ones, few or many,
1056 To cutting short their hopes of having any?
133
1057 The love of offspring's nature's general law,
1058 From tigresses and cubs to ducks and ducklings;
1059 There's nothing whets the beak or arms the claw
1060 Like an invasion of their babes and sucklings;
1061 And all who have seen a human nursery, saw
1062 How mothers love their children's squalls and chucklings;
1063 And this extreme effect (to tire no longer
1064 Your patience) shows the cause must still be stronger.
134
1065 If I said fire flashed from Gulbeyaz' eyes,
1066 'Twere nothing---for her eyes flashed always fire;
1067 Or said her cheeks assumed the deepest dyes,
1068 I should but bring disgrace upon the dyer,
1069 So supernatural was her passion's rise;
1070 For ne'er till now she knew a checked desire:
1071 Even ye who know what a checked woman is
1072 (Enough, God knows!) would much fall short of this.
135
1073 Her rage was but a minute's, and 'twas well---
1074 A moment's more had slain her; but the while
1075 It lasted 'twas like a short glimpse of hell:
1076 Nought's more sublime than energetic bile,
1077 Though horrible to see, yet grand to tell,
1078 Like ocean warring 'gainst a rocky isle;
1079 And the deep passions flashing through her form
1080 Made her a beautiful embodied storm.
136
1081 A vulgar tempest 'twere to a Typhoon
1082 To match a common fury with her rage,
1083 And yet she did not want to reach the moon,
1084 Like moderate Hotspur on the immortal page;
1085 Her anger pitched into a lower tune,
1086 Perhaps the fault of her soft sex and age---
1087 Her wish was but to "kill, kill, kill," like Lear's,
1088 And then her thirst of blood was quenched in tears.
137
1089 A storm it raged, and like the storm it passed,
1090 Passed without words---in fact she could not speak;
1091 And then her sex's shame broke in at last,
1092 A sentiment till then in her but weak,
1093 But now it flowed in natural and fast,
1094 As water through an unexpected leak,
1095 For she felt humbled---and humiliation
1096 Is sometimes good for people in her station.
138
1097 It teaches them that they are flesh and blood,
1098 It also gently hints to them that others,
1099 Although of clay, are yet not quite of mud;
1100 That urns and pipkins are but fragile brothers,
1101 And works of the same pottery, bad or good,
1102 Though not all born of the same sires and mothers:
1103 It teaches---Heaven knows only what it teaches,
1104 But sometimes it may mend, and often reaches.
139
1105 Her first thought was to cut off Juan's head;
1106 Her second, to cut only his---acquaintance;
1107 Her third, to ask him where he had been bred;
1108 Her fourth, to rally him into repentance;
1109 Her fifth, to call her maids and go to bed;
1110 Her sixth, to stab herself; her seventh, to sentence
1111 The lash to Baba:---but her grand resource
1112 Was to sit down again, and cry of course.
140
1113 She thought to stab herself, but then she had
1114 The dagger close at hand, which made it awkward;
1115 For eastern stays are little made to pad,
1116 So that a poniard pierces if 'tis stuck hard:
1117 She thought of killing Juan---but, poor lad!
1118 Though he deserved it well for being so backward,
1119 The cutting off his head was not the art
1120 Most likely to attain her aim---his heart.
141
1121 Juan was moved: he had made up his mind
1122 To be impaled, or quartered as a dish
1123 For dogs, or to be slain with pangs refined,
1124 Or thrown to lions, or made baits for fish,
1125 And thus heroically stood resigned,
1126 Rather than sin---except to his own wish:
1127 But all his great preparatives for dying
1128 Dissolved like snow before a woman crying.
142
1129 As through his palms Bob Acres' valour oozed,
1130 So Juan's virtue ebbed, I know not how;
1131 And first he wondered why he had refused;
1132 And then, if matters could be made up now;
1133 And next his savage virtue he accused,
1134 Just as a friar may accuse his vow,
1135 Or as a dame repents her of her oath,
1136 Which mostly ends in some small breach of both.
143
1137 So he began to stammer some excuses;
1138 But words are not enough in such a matter,
1139 Although you borrowed all that e'er the muses
1140 Have sung, or even a Dandy's dandiest chatter
1141 Or all the figures Castlereagh abuses;
1142 Just as a languid smile began to flatter
1143 His peace was making, but before he ventured
1144 Further, old Baba rather briskly entered.
144
1145 "Bride of the Sun! and Sister of the Moon!"
1146 ('Twas thus he spake), "and Empress of the Earth!
1147 Whose frown would put the spheres all out of tune,
1148 Whose smile makes all the planets dance with mirth,
1149 Your slave brings tidings---he hopes not too soon---
1150 Which your sublime attention may be worth:
1151 The Sun himself has sent me like a ray
1152 To hint that he is coming up this way."
145
1153 "Is it," exclaimed Gulbeyaz, "as you say?
1154 I wish to heaven he would not shine till morning!
1155 But bid my women form the milky way.
1156 Hence, my old comet! give the stars due warning---
1157 And, christian! mingle with them as you may,
1158 And as you'd have me pardon your past scorning---"
1159 Here they were interrupted by a humming
1160 Sound, and then by a cry, "the sultan's coming!"
146
1161 First came her damsels, a decorous file,
1162 And then his Highness' eunuchs, black and white;
1163 The train might reach a quarter of a mile:
1164 His majesty was always so polite
1165 As to announce his visits a long while
1166 Before he came, especially at night;
1167 For being the last wife of the emperor,
1168 She was of course the favourite of the four.
147
1169 His highness was a man of solemn port,
1170 Shawled to the nose, and bearded to the eyes,
1171 Snatched from a prison to preside at court,
1172 His lately bowstrung brother caused his rise;
1173 He was as good a sovereign of the sort
1174 As any mentioned in the histories
1175 Of Cantemir, or Knolles, where few shine
1176 Save Solyman, the glory of their line.
148
1177 He went to mosque in state, and said his prayers
1178 With more than "Oriental scrupulosity";
1179 He left to his vizier all state affairs,
1180 And showed but little royal curiosity:
1181 I know not if he had domestic cares---
1182 No process proved connubial animosity;
1183 Four wives and twice five hundred maids, unseen,
1184 Were ruled as calmly as a christian queen.
149
1185 If now and then there happened a slight slip,
1186 Little was heard of criminal or crime;
1187 The story scarcely passed a single lip---
1188 The sack and sea had settled all in time,
1189 From which the secret nobody could rip:
1190 The Public knew no more than does this rhyme;
1191 No scandals made the daily press a curse---
1192 Morals were better, and the fish no worse.
150
1193 He saw with his own eyes the moon was round,
1194 Was also certain that the earth was square,
1195 Because he had journeyed fifty miles and found
1196 No sign that it was circular any where;
1197 His empire also was without a bound:
1198 'Tis true, a little troubled here and there,
1199 By rebel pachas, and encroaching giaours,
1200 But then they never came to "the Seven Towers";
151
1201 Except in shape of envoys, who were sent
1202 To lodge there when a war broke out, according
1203 To the true law of nations, which ne'er meant
1204 Those scoundrels, who have never had a sword in
1205 Their dirty diplomatic hands, to vent
1206 Their spleen in making strife, and safely wording
1207 Their lies, ycleped despatches, without risk or
1208 The singeing of a single inky whisker.
152
1209 He had fifty daughters and four dozen sons,
1210 Of whom all such as came of age were stowed,
1211 The former in a palace, where like nuns
1212 They lived till some Bashaw was sent abroad,
1213 When she, whose turn it was, was wed at once,
1214 Sometimes at six years old---though this seems odd,
1215 'Tis true; the reason is, that the Bashaw
1216 Must make a present to his sire in law.
153
1217 His sons were kept in prison, till they grew
1218 Of years to fill a bowstring or the throne,
1219 One or the other, but which of the two
1220 Could yet be known unto the fates alone;
1221 Meantime the education they went through
1222 Was princely, as the proofs have always shown:
1223 So that the heir apparent still was found
1224 No less deserving to be hanged than crowned.
154
1225 His Majesty saluted his fourth spouse
1226 With all the ceremonies of his rank,
1227 Who cleared her sparkling eyes and smoothed her brows,
1228 As suits a matron who has played a prank;
1229 These must seem doubly mindful of their vows,
1230 To save the credit of their breaking bank:
1231 To no men are such cordial greetings given
1232 As those whose wives have made them fit for heaven.
155
1233 His Highness cast around his great black eyes,
1234 And looking, as he always looked, perceived
1235 Juan amongst the damsels in disguise,
1236 At which he seemed no whit surprised nor grieved,
1237 But just remarked with air sedate and wise
1238 While still a fluttering sigh Gulbeyaz heaved,
1239 "I see you've bought another girl; 'tis pity
1240 That a mere christian should be half so pretty."
156
1241 This compliment, which drew all eyes upon
1242 The new-bought virgin, made her blush and shake.
1243 Her comrades, also, thought themselves undone:
1244 Oh! Mahomet! that his Majesty should take
1245 Such notice of a giaour, while scarce to one
1246 Of them his lips imperial ever spake!
1247 There was a general whisper, toss, and wriggle,
1248 But etiquette forbade them all to giggle.
157
1249 The Turks do well to shut---at least, sometimes---
1250 The women up---because in sad reality,
1251 Their chastity in these unhappy climes
1252 Is not a thing of that astringent quality,
1253 Which in the north prevents precocious crimes,
1254 And makes our snow less pure than our morality;
1255 The sun, which yearly melts the polar ice,
1256 Has quite the contrary effect on vice.
158
1257 Thus in the East they are extremely strict,
1258 And Wedlock and a Padlock mean the same;
1259 Excepting only when the former's pick'd
1260 It ne'er can be replaced in proper frame;
1261 Spoilt, as a pipe of claret is when prick'd:
1262 But then their own Polygamy's to blame;
1263 Why don't they knead two virtuous souls for life
1264 Into that moral centaur, man and wife?
159
1265 Thus far our chronicle; and now we pause,
1266 Though not for want of matter; but 'tis time,
1267 According to the ancient epic laws,
1268 To slacken sail, and anchor with our rhyme.
1269 Let this fifth canto meet with due applause,
1270 The sixth shall have a touch of the sublime;
1271 Meanwhile, as Homer sometimes sleeps, perhaps
1272 You'll pardon to my muse a few short naps.
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